Feel the Fear…and Do it Anyway!

I attend a meditation circle once a month which is themed – invariably accurately for me each time – to focus the attention and the insight sought; this month, as we enter autumn, the theme was preservation and we were invited to explore what we felt needing preserving in our lives and equally, perhaps more importantly in my case, what we could give ourselves permission NOT to preserve.

It came to me during our first round of silence and inner connection that I MUST preserve the “big picture”, the essence and reason behind the major transitions currently in progress in my life (moving to Sussex and re-defining my career…amongst other things) so that during the tumultuous change I might remember the “why” behind the “what, without getting lost in the “how”!

And when it came to that which I DO NOT need to preserve, it became very clear that it is my old belief system that can be let go; the 20 year old story of how it is that I can make a living – the one that I’ve been wishing to shed and keep hold of in equal measure. No preservatives are required to store these outdated ideas. It is time to let them fall away with the passing season. Nor do I need to preserve my long held fear of failure and all the baggage that comes with it; the excuses, the avoidance and the indecision.

I have told them directly but I would also like to tell the ether (wherever it takes the message) that I am deeply grateful to all those in the circle for holding the space, for acknowledging my words and, ultimately, for showing me that I have permission to LET GO of the old beliefs and that I can, and should, SAVOUR my big picture.

And so here I go, stepping into the fire! Feeling the fear…and doing it anyway!!!

P.S. Susan Jeffers’ seminal book, on the very subject, bought to re-read as practical support on the journey ;-)

Virtual Retreat

So with personal plans set to take a new and daunting path (down the road to adoption: everything crossed)…and with the professional toolkit expanded once again (to include Funeral Celebrancy)…the fires are stoked with new but very different energy.

While my heart is very much holding to the desire of creating a space within which people can retreat to find, embrace and nurture the phoenix within, the exact nature of this space has begun to shift.

Thoughts have turned to a day retreat on the high street in Forest Row, our new home-to-be, and then to an outdoor setting in the beautiful Ashdown Forest but most recently to something more ‘virtual’.

The question now, of course, is how to create and hold a space for others if they are not physically ‘with’ me: Podcasts? App? Online ‘Course’? Virtual Reality ‘Simulator’? 

Time to climb into the digital fire and play with some ideas…! 

 Image: freeimages.com/photographer/boroda003-63887

Where to begin…?!

Often it feels like I’ve got so many ideas running around in my mind (and heart) that I find it hard to follow any particular one through to its conclusion.

Thoughts of a full retreat have now altered to a more practical vision of a work-life balance that bridges corporate dollars with things that are much more heart-lifting. Not only does this enable the bills to be paid but helps us facilitate another dream…of becoming parents (by adoption).

Yet the detail of what the heart-lifting work looks like remains unclear. So many possible strands: doula, therapist, celebrant plus the ever present hankering for a physical space never fully leaves.

Each time I sit down “to figure it out” the thoughts gets tangled; overlapping, intertwining, spiralling this way and that until the clarity of my ideas get lost.

I can see from an old tree with roots clear above the ground that this tangling can, in fact, support growth but how to make a start?

Or perhaps, like the old tree…breathe…and allow the growing to happen at its own pace, in its own way, instinctively…unpractised, unplanned, unrestricted!

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#52wksof #London : Harder than I thought!

I must admit this has not been a simple exercise and my hat goes off to @52wksofmusic for their commitment in what is now their second year!

I thought we had done pretty well on our quest to experience new parts of London but now, in week 22, as I look back we have only managed 13 outings, two armchair excursions (TV shows “about” London) and yes, sadly, weeks of nothing!

Before we move out of London – which we hope to do before the end of the summer – we had better up the ante…!!!

I’m reminded of the quotation from WIlliam James that I found and posted on my MatchAffinity profile in 2010 (which led me to Owen) and which I will redouble my efforts towards once again:

“To change one’s life, start immediately; do it flamboyantly; no exceptions.”

1/52: Horsenden Hill (02-01-15)

Our first outing took us a couple of miles from home to Horsenden Hill, which although technically in Middlesex, has great views of North and West London from its summit.

According to Wikipedia, the site was settled 2500 years ago by Iron Age people who left behind pottery and a hill fort.

Although I grew up only a few miles from the hill, and have driven over it countless times, I’ve never taken to the footpaths through Perivale Wood Nature Reserve or to the ridge itself.

After a short walk we were rewarded with far reaching views and wonderful trees…made all the more beautiful by the bright blue New Year sky.

As we will for each of our excursions we made a donation to Centrepoint to give something back to this city of ours and to those who are struggling within it.

If we’ve inspired you, please add to our donation on our JustGiving page or via JustTextGiving by texting “LDNX52” to 70070 stating the amount you’d like to give: £1, £2, £5, £10.

Thank you.

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52wks of London: The Premise

Inspired by a friend and his wife who committed to 52wks of music during 2014 (@52wksofmusic), Owen and I have embarked on our own 52wk challenge; to explore a new place in London each week.

We pondered several options: nature, culture, soul food but felt that our best way forward was to combine them whilst getting more out of the city we’ve lived in for decades.

To add an extra dimension we’ve decided to donate money to Centrepoint, a charity which helps vulnerable young people feel safe, find shelter and gain life skills to help keep them off the streets.

Our premise is simple: we spend 52wks enriching our experience of London whilst giving back to those who are struggling with the basics.

To add a donation to ours, visit our JustGiving page or via JustTextGiving by texting “LDNX52” to 70070, quoting the amount you want to give: £1, £2, £5, £10. Thanks so much.

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Where in the world…?

“Just a thought”, says Owen (my husband), like he’s going to offer a suggestion about what to cook for dinner or what we might do over the weekend, “does our retreat need to be in the UK?”

Wow! I suppose not! In fact I’d been wondering, myself, whether it had to be in Sussex – our favourite – as there could be other equally viable coastal locations. But it not being in the UK hadn’t even entered my consciousness.

That was a couple of weeks ago and since then I’ve been quietly writing, and rewriting, a (figurative) list of pros and cons, whilst debating a whole host of possible destinations.

He thinks maybe a Greek island…my imagination has flown as far as New Zealand; I mean, if you’re gonna move abroad why not move as far abroad as possible?!

I guess when considering a major life change, there should be no set boundaries…geographical or otherwise!

So, who knows where we’ll end up?!

Retreat to retreat

It’s true, my dream of opening a retreat has been long since held. In one guise or another I’ve hankered after creating a space for people to come, spend quality time and leave feeling rejuvenated.

Many a notebook has been started with ideas for what the place might look like, what kind of services it might provide, how it might make visitors feel when they leave…any excuse for new stationery!

Well finally, after some solid brainstorming and research I have started the business plan.

OK, so what I mean by “started the business plan” is I’ve moved out of the notebooks (don’t worry they won’t be gone forever) to the post-it-note and mind map stage (still requiring new stationery, of course).

As you will see from the images, this kick-start has only been made possible by poker night! Alright, perhaps you can’t “see” this so to explain I took the opportunity to escape boys’ poker night to put myself up in the nearest luxury hotel, enjoy the spa facilities and get inspired.

So, it’s thanks to a 24hr retreat at the London Syon Park Hotel, Phoenix Retreat is a step closer to taking flight.IMG_0527.JPG

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Diagnosis: Ground Zero

So, I’ve recently been diagnosed with coeliac disease (an auto-immune reaction to gluten) and, to be honest, I have been surprised by how “ok” I am with this.

Don’t get me wrong, I know it’s not going to be easy as I realise that I am going to be without some of my favourites forever; tabbouleh (with its trademark cracked wheat), arabic bread (khubz) and malt vinegar (which I famously accompanied with chips)…to name a few, all be it randomly!

However, the fact that I know now that it has been these things (or at least the gluten within them) that caused almost every minor and, latterly, major ailment I’ve experienced seems to have given me a different perspective.

Never one to like being told what to eat (or do, for that matter) I actually feel invigorated by the opportunity to rebalance myself.

To some extent, diagnosis day was ground zero and over the last six weeks it’s been onwards and upwards to a new me – the sky’s the limit!